Day 38: In transition

Today-Saturday is the transition from P2 to P3 of this diet. It's been a crazy, crazy ride. I remember starting and thinking there is no way I could really do it. It was too hard. Too regimented. Too limited. I was skeptical. I was afraid. I was an emotional mess.

Now, on day 38, I'm a different person. I realized somewhere along the line that I am doing this not because I want to be skinny, not because I have to hit some arbitrary ideal weight that I thought I had to reach to be a success in life and to feel beautiful. I am doing this because I was just flat out tired of who I was. I wanted to be different. I wanted to feel different about my body. I wanted to be confident. I wanted to feel beautiful. I wanted to reflect my inner beauty on the outside.

In the last month, I've realized I want to choose to be different. I want to be healthier. I don't want to go back to the way I used to eat all the time. I want to enjoy a piece of chocolate and some pizza every now and then. But, I want to feel healthy and strong more than that. I want to keep these first 25 lbs off. I'd like to lose more. I'd like to lose another 15-20, realistically (I know that doesn't reflect the goals on the side of my blog, but I'm starting to wonder if I've been so obsessed with being a number on the scale that I've forgotten some other things).

I am looking forward to learning how to eat with more options in my diet. I'm sure it will be a trial and error kind of experience. I'm sure I will have days where I completely blow it and days where I completely succeed. I'm learning to be okay with that.

This year, I drew a line in the sand. I said I either have to be okay with my body the way it is or I have to change it. I chose change. And it's been hard. But it's been so worth it.