Wednesday, January 9, 2013

Day 2: Eat What You Love

The first two days of the diet are interesting. You start taking the drops, but you eat high-fat, yummy food that you love. It seems counter-intuitive, but all the literature talks about how important this phase is. And, I'll be honest, I embraced it. Tuesday was full of favorite, carb-rich foods and some of my favorite bubbly beverages.

The Drops: They're fine. Vaguely medicinal tasting. By the time you wait the 15 seconds after putting them under your tongue, they're mostly absorbed. It's interesting. I don't know the science behind how that works. I have a feeling lunch is going to be the hardest part of taking the drops. I am not advertising this to a lot of people - I don't know why. Maybe it's part of that shame thing I'm still working through. So today I had to take my drops in the restroom at the restaurant we went to for lunch. I did it, though. And that was a small success, because before I would have probably skipped them and told myself I was going to fail.

I think one of the reasons I can stick with this is because my husband believes in me. He is also willing to not eat out, to not tempt me and to eat healthier in support of me. I have a feeling Sundays will be the hardest. I usually get a pastry from the media booth for breakfast and then we go out for lunch afterward. And for the next 6 Sundays, at least, that won't be possible. And part of me is sad about that because I want to do what I love. I want to eat out with friends. I want to break bread together. I want to not have this issue.

I'm angry that I've let my weight get out of control again. And I'm letting that be the voice in my head instead of the voice that says this is temporary and this can change.

Today is another day of good foods and a big ol' Polar Pop.

I'm trying to stay positive, but I'm already so nervous that I will fail. That people will be disappointed in me. That I will disappoint myself.

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