Tuesday, January 8, 2013

Day 1: Why This? Why Now?

It's no great secret that I've had an issue with weight for most of my life. I've always been heavy. I've always hated it about myself. I've always struggled to lose weight, to maintain loss, to feel comfortable in my own skin...and I'm just plain sick and tired of it.

I've tried weight watchers. It worked the first time. And, I'm sure it would work again if I was disciplined enough to really stay on program (although the most recent versions confuse me).I come up with excuses every single time. Why I don't lose weight. Why I can't stop eating certain foods. Why I am just going to be like this forever.

I'm sick of it.

I'm sick of feeling like a failure.
I'm sick of feeling like I can't do it.
I'm sick of being the fat girl.
I'm sick of being embarrassed by my body.
I'm sick of letting my weight keep me from embracing life.
I'm sick of this part of myself.
I'm sick of letting it control me.
I'm sick of not doing something about it.
I'm sick of excuses.
I'm sick of failure.
I'm sick of shame.

So, today I start the HCG Diet. I'll be honest, had I just looked it up online, I would have assumed it was a scam; a gimmick to get me to spend good money on something that will not really work. I would have almost let myself be talked into it, but I would not have done it. But, my friend Pam has done it. She's smart. She's healthy. She loves food. And she's lost a good deal of weight (weight I didn't know she even needed/wanted to lose). She looks great. She feels great. And she did it.

So, I've started. It's going to be hard. It's going to be limiting. It's going to be a lot of work. But, here's the thing. I feel like I can do it. It will be a sacrifice. It will mean saying no to eating out, to comfort foods, to soda, to everything I think I cannot live without (food-wise). But I can do it. It's not forever. It's about detoxing. Teaching my body to crave good foods. To allow splurges and enjoy treats.

It's about taking control of this thing that has always controlled me.

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