Yesterday was one of the hardest days on the diet yet. I don't really know why. I was tired. I was sitting at my desk all day. I wanted something fun to eat. I didn't want to sit and eat another veggie, another fruit, another...ugh.
So, yes, I cheated a little. I had a piece of candy. I ate mustard on the hamburger I had for dinner. And yes, I feel a little guilty about it. But my sweet friend Liz helped put it in perspective for me this morning. She said, "if you feel badly about spilling a little milk, you don't just dump the gallon on the floor." Before, for me, cheating a little meant the whole day, maybe even the whole week was ruined. I convinced myself I couldn't do it, that I would fail, that I was a failure.
Liz helped remind me that I'm not. No, cheating isn't ideal. But it's okay. It happens. What matters is how I react to the cheating. I can either freak out, consider everything I've done a loss and be angry. Or, I can just admit it happened, be okay with it and move forward. For the first time in my life-long battle with food I am learning to move on.
Yesterday I also read a lot of studies and concerns about this diet. I managed to freak myself out a little bit. Tim and I talked through a lot last night and I've decided that I'm going to stick with it, at least for now. I am going to up my calories a little, though. Because I'm still feeling gross, lightheaded and a little weak. I'm not going to add extra calories with "bad" food, though. Right now I'm planning on adding an extra serving of fruit. Because at some point I have to be able to eat more than 500 calories and not make myself sick or immediately gain all the weight back.