Sunday, January 13, 2013

Day 6: Not the most positive post in the world.

Warning: Today I don't feel well, I'm tired and I'm doing a fantastic job feeling sorry for myself. Read on with caution.

Last night I had a hard time sleeping. I woke up with a sore throat, an upset stomach, achy and just not feeling well. And, as a result, I am feeling sorry for myself and hateful toward this diet today. When I'm sick, I want comfort foods. I want Popsicles to sooth my throat, sprite and chicken & stars. I want ginger ale and the comfort of the bubbles in my throat. I don't know how much of this is my body fighting something and how much of it is the detox from day 4 of eating very little, but I am not a happy camper today.

This morning's weight loss wasn't great either. Just 1/2 a lb. I know it's still a loss, but feeling as gross as I am it just doesn't seem worth it. I would love some carbs and sugar today. I know this is where the discipline comes in, but I don't like it! And then, I get mad at myself for letting it get so out of control again. I hate that I've gained and lost the same 10 lbs a whole bunch of times in the last few years. I hate that I've let my body go, that I've gotten to the point where I am ashamed of myself. That it's my own fault for being here, in this position, and now having to deny myself what I enjoy because I have an issue.

I've cried some tears today. I've felt sorry for myself and sick of not getting to do the things I love and eat the foods I love. Because, I love food. I love eating and celebrating and sharing a meal. And I hate that I don't feel like I can do that now.

For posterity, keeping in mind I haven't felt well all day:

Breakfast: drops, water
Lunch: drops, 1 medium orange
Dinner: drops, same chicken mixture from last night, but only ate about half. No Melba toast. I may eat that for a snack in a bit if the soup sits okay.

Tomorrow I'll try to be more positive; right now I'm just blah.

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